Introductin:
One statement about this past academic year? The Roller Coaster ride of a life time! From losing a friend almost directly in my own hands, to withdrawing from a class for being endanger of failing, to getting one of the best jobs on campus, to Spring break in
NOLA, to becoming an
ABS leader and a
Peer mentor, to being awarded
First Year Class Leadership Award, to just going all out and beasting academically this semester. This blog is basically the final reflection of my first year at Stonehill College; first and second semester.
First Semester:
I went in three weeks earlier as a Biology major through the Summer Bridge program and it was quite a wake up call for what was to come. From a load of reading to lots of writing, to four hour lab clases to hours and hours of lab reports. It was a pain to be in class three weeks earlier than the rest of campus on the nicest summer days, but it truly prepared me for the real stuff. It made the academic transitioning alot smoother than most incoming froshes. I felt like I had been on campus for years by the time everyone else got there. I knew alot of great people, had a couple friends, and I was known as the Brace kid because I was the Bridge kid who mostly hung with the ACE kids. Talking about ACE kids, I am actually living in trailer housing with six of them for the next couple semesters. My brother from another mother Austin Alfredson, Kevin Zuniga, John Lamb, Stephen Pike, Julian Ramos, Bobby Dickey, Tom Wood, and the newby George Farah. George wasn't apart of the ACE program but it's all good, he's still family.
The overall first semester was a struggle, especially being a Bio major. Bio was a peace of work, I had no clue what was going on in Chemistry even tho I had one of the best professors on campus, and because both of those classes took so much of my time, I started slacking in the others. Between history and religion, I had an enormous amount of reading every night and I couldn't ever keep up with it because I was too busy doing Chem or Bio homework or lab reports. Yeah I had school work and all but that wasn't really the end of the story. I am no longer a varsity athlete and so I had no major commitment outside of academics. I am also not much of a person to sit around and study all day, never have been. So what was my alternative? I figured I'll occupy my time by getting involved in the Stonehill community. Hands down best decision I've ever made. One of the first clubs got involved in was the Good News club aka Bible study group. Through the club I met some of the realest group of guys on campus. I love the college life and I love to have fun and all but I went with the intention to not lose who I am, where I am from and how far I've come. As a Ron Burton scholarship recipient, I know I definitely can't afford to screw up. It is the opportunity of a life time and the best I can do is take full advantage of it. I depended on the Bible study group to keep me in check at all times and that's exactly what it did. I got the opportunity to go on a couple retreats, something I never got a chance to do in high school. It surely was a blast from the past and I loved every minute of it. I was also involved in other clubs such as, Diversity Committee, MOSAIC, and the Holy Cross' E-Board as a Publicity Coordinator. Intramurals and working out was obviously in the picture because what can I do without sports and exercise? Not much as far as I know. I over all had some great experiences and met some really cool people, but it still was a struggle. In other words, the transitioning wasn't as smooth as I hoped.
Tragity of a Life Time:
Reality truely checked in for me at the end of the semester when a hall mate/friend of mine committed suicide in his room. I have never really talked about this publically but here I go...It was about that time of the year, AKA finals were around the corner. It was the Wednesday before finals week to be exact. I spent the entire morning working on Bio note cards until another friend of mine hit me up to go work out at 2:00pm. While getting ready to head out, I heard alot of commotion outside. My first thought was, "its a typical day out in the hall". Well, it really exactly the typical day I expected because the comosion did not stop. I listened closer and heard "some one call the RA!" I ran out scared out of my mind and asked what had happened. Another hallmate shouted, "....hung himself!" My first thoughts? Ohhhh crap, I've never seen a dead body before. How did I know this individual was already dead? I didn't, it was fear of the worse. I stood in shock, and did not know how to react. I felt like I needed to do something but I could not find the courage to move until the RA's roommate ran into the room and requested for someone to help get the body down. I ran into the room not knowing that my life would never again be the same. My entire experience from that moment is something I can not publically discuss, for obvious reasons. What I can say is, that experience marked the begining of my life as a mature adult. I felt like it was almost my induction into man hood. Before this incident, I had never seen a body, nor did I ever go to a wake or a funeral and never did I anticipated on doing so. All that innocense was gone in a matter of seconds. In such situations a person usuallt questions.."Lord why me?" I couldn't do so because God definately placed me in that situation for a reason; I was literally seconds away from leaving to workout. What really hunted me for days was the gilt. Guilt of not being there on time, guilt of not being able to bring him back, and the gilt of facing his parents. I cried for hours and hours and hours, not because I knew the kid or because I was friends with him. I cried because of the guilt of not doing enough. Obviously it took me a while to fully forgive myself, but it was an experience I would never forget, even if I wanted to. I remember waking up two days after the incident at 5am and writing a journal. I am usually not the journal type and I hope to never again have to write a journal, but that's not the point. I havn't gained the courage to revisit the journal but what's in there are the questions that flows in my head once in awhile. Questions like; how bad can life possibly get in order for a person to take their own life? How can such a thin piece of metal hold up a 200 pound kid? Did he even try to fight his way out? What were his last thoughts? These are all obviously profound questions that can not be ansewered. I guess only God really knows.
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